What You Can't Call An Artificial Penis In Texas

There are a lot of things you can't say these days. A few people are just starting to say "civil war" when they talk Iraq. During the last election we learned that you can't call a black person "slavish" - especially if he's a Republican Senate candidate on his way to losing the election.

Now here's a trick question - which is funnier:

A stand-up performance by Michael Richards saying words forbidden by Jesse Jackson?
or
A lecture by columnist Molly Ivins saying words forbidden by the Texas legislature?

The winner (without question) is Molly Ivins. When I saw her name associated with a video clip from a movie called The Dildo Diaries I watched immediately.

(Probably shouldn't watch this if you're a child, at work or a Texas politician.)

In Texas, apparently, you can buy a dildo but you can't ask for it by name. Molly tells the history behind this prohibition. Then we learn how to legally ask for a dildo in Texas. And there are some scenes of the state legislature debating the matter.

For a more light-hearted musical treatment of dildos - here's The Dildo Song. (Hang on for the adhesion out-takes at the end.)

As long as we're on the subject of music and dildos - here's a dildo that you can attach to your iPod. The OhMiBod vibrates along with your mp3s. The website features a woman-on-the-street video and a chance to share your favorite vibratory playlists.



And finally, here's a website of advertisements which will remind you of things longer than they are wide. Yes, it's the Phallic Logo Awards. Be sure to check out the winner The Brazilian Institute of Oriental Studies. It must be a hoax. It's just gotta be a hoax. Please tell me it's a hoax.

But someone did tell me this was a hoax and I refused to believe it. We already proved that Texas politicians aren't too bright.

Take your pick of the other fine penis-related Mixed Meters posts: Penis Fencing or Penis Painting

Read Molly Ivins here.


Long Wide Tags: dildo. . . Texas. . . The Dildo Diaries. . . Texas politics. . . The Dildo Song. . . OhMiBod. . . iPod dildo. . .Phallic Logo Awards. . .Michael Richards. . .Molly Ivins