Queen of the Night lubricant

Classical music sells product - in this case the Queen of the Night aria by Mozart and a feminine lubricant.



Read an article by Tom Serivce in The Guardian here. I found it via Arts Journal. This ad will appear on US television after hell freezes over, which is to say - never. This group posted the video online.

For a video of a young boy singing the same music very well, go to the MM post Prince of the Night

Other MM posts about classical music selling stuff on television are here (Mozart's Requiem sells shoes) and here (Dies Irae sells shoes).


Lubricant Tags: Mozart. . . Queen of the Night. . . Durex

Who Is Wieden & Kennedy Anyway

Another television advertisement for basketball shoes with classical music and religion. Instead of a Hip Hop version of the Dies Irae, this one uses music by Mozart. The Lacrimosa from his Requiem.

You can watch the commercial here.
You can read about it here.
Read more here.

Here is the "Money Shot".


The ad is real noir. A dark story of crushing defeat as the home team loses by one point in the last second because an opponent is wearing better shoes. Life is like that, huh?

Here are the words to Lacrimosa

Tearful that day,
on which will rise from ashes
guilty man for judgement.
So have mercy, O God, on this person.
Compassionate Lord Jesus,
grant them rest. Amen.

Read about the Lacrimosa at Wikipedia.

Here is my previous post about selling basketball shoes with liturgical music. This post has gotten (and will get) more hits than any other Mixed Meters article - from now until eternity (or whenever Nike stops running the Second Coming commercial.)

Both commercials were produced by the same ad agency - Wieden & Kennedy of Portland Oregon. Here's their website.

Apparently Wieden & Kennedy are eager to teach their methods. Tuition for one year is $15,000. Click here then click on the jangling keys.


Meanwhile, Mozart's music continues to inspire musicians of all species. Here's a video of a bird with some interesting ideas about motivic development.

Shoe Sale Tags: Nike. . . basketball. . . television commercial. . . advertising. . . Michael Jordan. . . XX2. . . basketball game. . . athletic shoes. . . Lacrimosa. . . Mozart. . .Wieden and Kennedy. . . dunk

A picture of a Mozart shoe.
I found out about this commercial via The Rest is Noise. (Actually, in music, a "rest" is silence.)

Mozart's Penis versus Schoenberg's Penis

My previous post was about the late Molly Ivins, a columnist who was extremely funny and exceptionally relevant.

This post is prompted by Dave Barry, a columnist who is extremely funny.

Thanks to the blog Bits and Pieces I discovered that Dave Barry has a blog. It's just another clip blog (like Bits and Pieces).

But it did contain a link to a story about amputating Mozart's penis. Mozart in this case is an iguana and his organ had to be removed because it was always erect and it prevented him from walking. The story says that iguanas have a spare penis - so losing one is not a big deal.


Here's a quote from the article:

A spokesman at the zoo, speaking with the casual, blasé manner of someone who hasn't just had their penis cut off, said: 'Male iguanas - including Mozart - have two penises, so this is unlikely to be a big problem for him.'

The picture above is an Iguana we met in at the ancient Mayan ruins of Uxmal. It's not Mozart. It might not even be male.


This picture is Mozart, a plastic Mozart. I doubt the flesh and blood Mozart's face really looked like this and of course his lower organ ranks are left completely to your imagination.

This particular item sat for years next to my family's low-tech stereo system, back in the sixties. So it's a Vintage Plastic Mozart. (The music behind him is what I should be working on instead of blogging.)

As long as we're on the subject of Composers Genitals - here's a fascinating link from The Urban Dictionary about the private parts of Arnold Schoenberg, a famous teacher.

Apparently the phrase "Schoenberg's Penis" is an expletive of sorts - a possible substitute for the F-word. I've never heard it used, but maybe it's common in England where you also might find a muso.

If you've ever said "Schoenberg's Penis" (I mean said it "out loud to another person and meant it as swearing") please leave a comment. I suspect the listing is someone's idea of a joke - someone who probably can't count past twelve.

Anyway, here's the definition plus two sample sentences:

1. Schoenberg's penis
An exclamation, normally to show anger or frustration at forgetting something or at something going wrong. Substitution for buggar, shit, fuck etc. Normally used in muso circles due to it's origin.

"Oh Schoenberg's penis, I forgot to pay the milkman again!"

"Schoenberg's penis, you bloody fool, why did you not tell me about his porn collection?!"

The final picture is one of Arnold Schoenberg's many self-portraits. This one is a hoot. Others can be found here.

Plastic Mozart Tags: milkman. . . Mozart. . . penis. . . Schoenberg. . . Arnold Schoenberg. . .Dave Barry. . . iguana. . . composer. . . classical music

One Year After the Big Event - Mozart's 251st

Not much excitement to report concerning Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's 251st birthday celebration. Ho Hum. Last year was rather different. I guess the number 250 has a better press agent than the number 251.

Here is where you can read Mixed Meters' Measure of the Mozart Madness back then. And also find out what I used to do in college on Mozart's birthday.


Watch this YouTube clip of a La Linea animation: Mozart plays the piano. La Linea is a fine series of animated shorts by Osvaldo Cavandoli. I'm familiar with it because Leslie gave me a La Linea DVD for my birthday last year. (And it took months for me to figure out that our NTSC player plays PAL format DVD's with no problem. Who knew?)

Prior Mixed Meter Mozart Mentions

The Docker Awards for good and for bad Mozartian Commentary

30 Second Spot - Mozart & Microsoft, Early Death

A Boy Soprano sings Queen of the Night (The video is here now.)

Gilles Apap's Mozart O.T.T. Violin Concerto Cadenza (Scroll Down)
(O.T.T. = Over The Top)

Mozart in Egypt


Wolfie Tags: Mozart. . . La Linea. . . Cavandoli. . . animation. . . music. . . composer. . . classical music. . . Mixed Meters

Prince of the Night

Here's another music video - an ethnically-attired boy soprano belts out the Queen of the Night aria from Mozart's Magic Flute - really well. Puberty is not going to be easy for this kid.

Here's a site that has the entire opera available for download as a midi file!

Music Video

30 Second Spots - Mozart & Microsoft - Early Death?

click here to hear Mozart and Microsoft - Early Death? The title is descriptive of my day today - I spent hours trying to get Microsoft Word to do what it has always done before. Simple stuff supposedly. And I failed. I wondered how long before Microsoft goes out of business.

Then, while I was writing this piece, two guys were talking about clarinets - Mitchell Lurie reeds, C Clarinets and Mozart. My past come back to haunt me.

This 30 Second Spot is a Work Song for a Gang of Convict Frogs.

Copyright © February 16, 2006 by David Ocker - 30 seconds


Explanation of 30 second spots

30 Second Spots

The Docker Awards for Mozartean Commentary

The Docker Award for the Most Intelligent Comment About Mozart (MICAM) goes to Alex Ross - Celebrate Mozart by Ignoring Mozart He said: "If you really want to celebrate Mozart's world, Mozart's culture, Mozart's life, you would ignore the man himself and listen to music by a living composer."

However, the Docker Award for the Dumbest Comments About Mozart (DCAM) goes to physicist Mario Livio for his NPR interview. He said (at zero min. 37 sec.) "It goes up and then down and then up again in the same way and down again in the same way and then the same thing repeats itself twice. So this is the same type of symmetry you'd see in maybe wall paper design." Wallpaper Music, indeed.

And at 3'49" - "And this is what happened with Mozart or it happened with a number of mathematicians like the French Evariste Galois, who, you know, Mozart died at 35, Evariste died at 20. You know, they both did all their best work, you know, when they were teenagers essentially." Mario - you should ask, you know, a clarinetist (or any musician) when Mozart did his best work before, you know, going on mike.

Music Reviews

In which David Remembers Mozart

Yeah, today is Mozart's Quarter-Millennium. It's a really big media deal. So here's my big reverent obeisance to the master. Can't someone be honest about it and just start a Mozart Religion? Call it Mozartism.

Or maybe someone could be REALLY honest about it. An LA Times editorial today said "More nonsense has been written about Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart than almost any historical figure except Jesus Christ."

When I was a college student I was part of a group who made Mozart's birthday a private holiday. Usually it was celebrated by smoking something we should not have possessed in a location where we should not have been. Like in a concert hall.

After college I decorated my first apartment with a large lithograph of Mozart that I had rescued from a scrap heap. It had a heavy wooden frame in very bad condition. Later my mother spent a lot of money on fixing the frame - refinishing the wood and adding new glass and matting. She hung it in her home proudly. Now Mozart hangs in my office, watching my every move from beyond.

Years ago I attended an LA Philharmonic concert which included a Mozart piano concerto. I sat through it, the critical professional musician cataloging problems: too fast, too slow, out of tune - whatever. I was not happy. When it finished, a woman sitting next to me, a complete stranger, turned and said: "Isn't that the most beautiful thing you've ever heard?" I learned an awful lot about music from her, mostly about not thinking too much about music.

Stories
Artifacts